Monday, January 30, 2006

Next time use the drive-thru

So I'm starting a new blog, moving some stuff from the old one here and leaving the old one for family stuff.

Hey, keep an eye out for Chris and Casey's excellent blogging adventures as they learn their ways through Stellenbosch and London. Chris trades one Cape for another and Casey travels from New England to old. I'll put links to their blogs when they're up and running.

So here's my latest adventure in pharmacopia...

The other night I went to my local Walgreen’s to pick up a few prescriptions, as I am wont to do…every freakin’ week. Anyway, I had a couple of other items to pick up (doesn’t everybody buy their milk at the drugstore?) so I went inside instead of using the drive-thru. I take my place in line at the pharmacy check-out. In front of me is a big ol’ Bubba splayed out across the counter discussing cold remedies with the cashier. Nice butt crack! Thanks for sharing.

Anyway, Bubba is proudly regaling the cashier with memories of colds past, like the time he used an expectorant to relieve his cough, only to develop a stuffy nose, necessitating yet another trip to the drugstore for yet another expectorant. This was fascinating stuff. And to think I might have been home watchin’ Jordan solve yet another murder the Boston police had been unable to solve for twenty years – I woulda missed the adventures of Bubba’s mucosa!

But I gotta hand it to Bubba. He can really spin a yarn. And he was so convincin’ the old geezer in line behind me started in with the coughin’ and the hackin’. I’m not sure if that was sympathy wheezin’ or if Bubba’s cough holds the same subliminal power of suggestion as a yawn but whatever it was, it was workin’ on Granpa.

So Bubba’s goin’ on and on and on about how when he lies on his left side, the left side of his head gets all stuffy. He figured out how he could relieve the stuffiness by rollin’ to his right. But sure ‘nuff the right side’d get all stuffy and he’d have to roll to the left. Bubba ain’t never heard of no Isaac Newton, and maybe if the durn fool haidn’t been asleepin’ under the apple tree he mightn’a got conked on the head. Anyway, should I buy this expectorant or that there one? I’m getting’ kinda tired o’ payin’ ten dollars a box for these here cold remedies.

Well, here’s a thought for ya, Bubba…Stop getting medical advice from the cashier. The cashier is NOT a health care professional.

So finally the cashier and Bubba finish their consultation and decide which expectorant would be right for Bubba’s little affliction, and she asks for his name so she can retrieve his prescription and check him out. I kid you not, Bubba says “I ain’t from around here, I’m from Ashtabula. I’m just visitin’. My prescription’s at the drugstore in Ashtabula. Where I’m from.”

Have a nice day!


Anonymous said...

Is Ashtabula a made up place like Narnia? Could I get to Ashtabula through my wardrobe? Will I freeze to death in Ashtabula if I neglect to take one of the fur coats from the wardrobe? Shouldn't PETA picket the Narnia movie because there is a heavy emphasis on fur coats? Does Narnia have the "no animals were hurt during the imagining and computerizing of this film" disclaimer? Because that would be fantastic.


BKW said...

Aparently while you're in England you can take the whole wardrobe!

From Fox News

Moviegoer Wants Out of the Closet
Tuesday, February 07, 2006

One "Chronicles of Narnia" fan just needed a little storage help.
Dedicated British "Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe" fan Milton Soskin wrote letters to several theaters asking for permission to watch the film dressed up as a wardrobe, according to The Daily Telegraph.
The 25-year-old's letter to the Dendy, Greater Union and Hoyts theaters, written in January, never received a serious answer.
The man who would be furniture explained that he knew his bulky costume would cause problems for other moviegoers, but said he required a seat "in the middle, close to the front." in his letter to the cinemas.
"Even though I will be sitting in your cinema dressed like a bedroom ornament, I promise not to draw any unwitting attention to myself," Soskin wrote.
"I will not talk during the film ... my mobile phone will most definitely be turned off ... In short I will be the perfect cinema patron. It's just that I will be wearing a wardrobe," he wrote.
The Daily Telegraph posted a pic of the wardrobe wannabe's costume on their Web site.
"I never heard back from Hoyts. The Dendy told me they weren't screening it but if I wanted to come out of the closet I could come and watch 'Brokeback Mountain,'" Soskin told The Daily Telegraph on Sunday.
The Greater Union Megaplex in North Ryde told The Daily Telegraph Soskin could watch a Sunday screening sporting his outfit made of IKEA door handles plywood and gaffer tape free of charge.
The man who would be furniture said he absolutely had to make the wardrobe run alone.
"My friends said they wouldn't be in it. They were pretty emphatic," Soskin told The Daily Telegraph.
"I chose the wardrobe because ... when you first see it there is a real sense of wonder about what is on the other side," he said.